why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
