It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
