I never want to see another naked old woman again.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
