So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
