so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize