alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
