if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
