I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
