it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
