I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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