I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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