My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
