Screwed.edu
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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