Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
