i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
