I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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