Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
