turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
