I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
