worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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