i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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