Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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