what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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