It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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