if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
