yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize