So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
