I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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