saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
