it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We just shotgunned beers for America
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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