Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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