The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize