I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
