I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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