It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
