No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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