so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
