Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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