just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
