First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
