I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
