please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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