wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
