Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
