Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
