i need an iv and a liver transplant
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
