The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
