I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
