not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
