Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
