Sponge bath it is.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
