so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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