Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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