i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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