i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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