Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
