Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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