So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
