i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
