I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
