If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
