One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
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