You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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