I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
