Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
