Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Randomize
