Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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