you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
