What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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