Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
