I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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