Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
