Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
