K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
