if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
