I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
