I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
