There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize