New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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