I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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