i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
