i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
